R. A. Melos Uncensored

Did I mention I think John McEnroe is still one of the hottest men in the world? No? I didn't? Or I didn't lately? Well, he is. The man is sex on a stick, so to speak.

Now I know the prevailing attitude is to watch what you post on the internet because potential employers and creditors, and a whole bunch of people who think you should fear them might be reading everything you post and will judge you by it. Well, to those people I say "fuck you." This is who I am, or at least one part of who I am. If you judge me by one or even a few things I post then you don't know me or what I'm capable of creating and it is your loss if you judge me by only a few things posted on a basically anonymous network without meeting me in person or reading everything I've ever posted then you really don't know me.

Also, just in case McEnroe ever considers a walk on the wild side he knows I'd be up for it. Sure it's shallow, but everything in my life is both shallow and deep on so many conflicting levels. Anyway, this is just another rant for a few minutes.

Now I'll watch a rerun of Forever Knight.

And another

I'm just in this kinda mood...

I had some really crappy moments today. I really am not into anything at the moment.

Why I'd Never Be A Good Parent at Intrepid Media.

My mood has been fluctuating all day. Borderline depressed, but starting to feel better.

( Yup, this is stuff I can listen to without getting too depressed )

I felt more like myself than I have in six years. I was more at ease with myself, more confident than I have felt in years, since before my mother's prolems. That's a good thing, but there is still too much pressure.

It's getting cold here. I HATE the cold.

Whether or not there is gay marriage doesn't effect whether or not I have sex with men. Just because I engage in sex doesn't mean I want to ge married. In fact, I don't ant to get married. Married and laid are two different things, just ask any married heterosexual male cheating on his wife with another man.

I make no secret of the fact I cannot stand, on most occasions, to hear Christmas or holiday associated music. Truthfully, I really can't stand it during the appropriate season. In the middle of August, I love Christmas music. Easter songs at Thanksgiving? Fine. Just don't give me Christmas songs during the Christmas season.

The songs I can tolerate for the season are:

Eagles -- Please Come Home For Christmas
Death cab for Cutie -- Baby Please Come Home
John and Yoko -- Happy Christmas/War is Over
The Waitresses -- Christmas Rap
However, this year it seems I can't even stand to listen to those. Perhaps it's too early in the season, or just the fact that holiday music depresses the hell out of me and I can't stand it or anything the music represents.

I've seen Holiday Inn several times earlier in the year, like March and April and May. I've seen White Christmas also earlier in the year, like March and April and May. I can't sit through the live action How The Grinch Stole Christmas. I can manage Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown, but that's about it. I am not and have rarely been a holiday person.

I'm sure I've said this before, but my ideal holiday is sitting in a hotel bar in a tropical paradise, drinking until I pass out. I am not a winter/holiday type person. Maybe I'm just in  bad mood. I'll get over it by May.

Very busy day. Princeton, showing rentals, setting appointments for Tuesday morning in Flemington/Frenchtown/Raritan, made anappointment to have my car fixed so it will pass inspection, picked up a key for use tomorrow, went to my cousin's for dinner, walked my dog, fed him, researched more rentals to possibly show tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday, snacked on pork chopped suey, did some facebook stuff, planning out the rest of my week, praying for help from the universe, and going to bed soon.

I wasn't up to much today. Very tired. So much confusion.

I need to sleep tonight. Very tired.

What else is going on?

I worked today, showed houses. Love my work, but nothing comes of it. I'm tired.

I got a notice my bankruptcy was granted. However I also ot a noice requesting ore iformation about my finances, so I don't know if the dischrge of my bankruptcy is to be granted after I supply the infomatio, or if it was granted and it's over. I have to clear it up Monday. I also have to figure out how to make thngs fall into place to get what I want financially.

I'm tired. Watched season 1 disc 3 of Hex. Really cool show.

A little more surfing and then sleep.

Very angry over bankruptcy stuff. The F&*%ing trustee wants Hud statements from each refinancing that was done in 2006 and again in 2007, and then the last six months of bank statements from May of 2007 through 2008. All I did was try to care for a dying woman and I'm treated like a criminal. I'm angry and will never get over it. All I can count on is that some day the trustee will get back what he put forth. He treats people like criminals even when thay are not. Someday he will not be believed when he tells the truth in a situation, he will be seen as the bad guy. What he put out will be returned to hi.

I don't really want to file bankruptcy, but I don't have the kind of money coming in to pay what is owed. As I said this is something I am unable to forgive. It's no longer in my nature to forgive slights and hurts. That has been stripped from my nature by my fellow man.

Not handling all the things threatening my happiness. Too many things, too many worries.

Doing a tarot reading at 2:30 AM. At some point I'm going to need alchol to get through another minute of the day, or to sleep without fear and stress. Those things are haunting my psyche on every level; that and all the other evil I have to contend with.

Shadows can be frightening. So can sanity. Maybe I just read too much into everything.

I really am not emotionally well. Very on edge. I need cheesecake. Now.

Been a long day, lots of noise this morning destroyed my sleep. Now it's raining at midnight and I'm debating sleep. I need sleep, and have had a rather rough day with annoying issues that needed to be handled. Everything was handled. Life goes on. Damn.

I think the only one of the 7 deadly sins I didn't commit today was, um, I'm not sure. I know I want booze right now to go with the cigarettes, caffenine, sex and other things bad for me that I did today. Like I said, it was a rough day.

What are the seven deadly sins? I know some of them from the film series. Greed, lust, sloth, pride, gluttony, um, Huey, Lewy, Dewy?

Okay, I lost it somewhere today; my sainty.

You Are Red

You are a very warm and passionate person. You are never at a loss for words when talking about how much you love something or someone. You feel strongly, and luckily, most of your strong feelings are positive ones. You love many things in this world. It's very important that you are able to follow your passions. It would drive you crazy to be stuck in a job or place you found boring. You have twice as much energy as most people. And it's a good thing too, because you have twice as many things you want to do in your life!

I really like country music. I grew upon it.