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Friday night blahs
Okay, so tonight isn't much better. I napped for 4 hours this afternoon/evening. Finally getting out of bed at 8 PM. I walked the dog, fed the dog, made my own dinner (country style ribs I baked this morning, mushrooms and broccoli), and now I'm watching a little television and planning on going back to bed. I have an interview at a convenience store at 7 AM for a job that won't pay me enough to even meet my mortgage let alone my other bills and living expenses.
Real estate doesn't look any better than last year, and in general nothing this year is shaping into anything better than last year. I have no options. I'm really not any happier, but I wasn't expecting a sudden wonderful change to take place over night. I would've like it, but I know realistically it won't happen.
I've always believed that if something doesn't come easy it isn't worth it. I still believe that, only now nothing is easy and that angers me. Life is too short to work hard at anything. Working hard won't get you anything different from anyone else. In the end we all end up dead, so it comes down to one of those belief things. You could believe in working hard and earning everything you get, as if that'll make a difference when they give you a shovel of dirt, or you could believe in enjoying life, not working very hard, taking everything easy, and you still get a shovel of dirt. If the choice were truly mine, without any outside influences, I'd take easy every time.
So I'm not all that happy in general. I know, my outlook on life and the world is rather a downer. Oh well. We can't all be Kelly Fuckin' Ripa, bouncing off the walls with joy and glee and peppiness. I'm not peppy. Don't even think in terms of joy and glee.
Maybe it's all about strength of character. I am who I am, and will live my life as I see fit. The problem is, I need more direction. I have a current agenda, but that is only temporary. Long term I can't even think of, because long term is not real. Nothing beyond this moment is real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a downer tonight. Happy Freakin' New Year.
And yet I have an underlying feeling of hope. Maybe I'm just being fatalistic and figuring it all is what it is.
blahReal estate doesn't look any better than last year, and in general nothing this year is shaping into anything better than last year. I have no options. I'm really not any happier, but I wasn't expecting a sudden wonderful change to take place over night. I would've like it, but I know realistically it won't happen.
I've always believed that if something doesn't come easy it isn't worth it. I still believe that, only now nothing is easy and that angers me. Life is too short to work hard at anything. Working hard won't get you anything different from anyone else. In the end we all end up dead, so it comes down to one of those belief things. You could believe in working hard and earning everything you get, as if that'll make a difference when they give you a shovel of dirt, or you could believe in enjoying life, not working very hard, taking everything easy, and you still get a shovel of dirt. If the choice were truly mine, without any outside influences, I'd take easy every time.
So I'm not all that happy in general. I know, my outlook on life and the world is rather a downer. Oh well. We can't all be Kelly Fuckin' Ripa, bouncing off the walls with joy and glee and peppiness. I'm not peppy. Don't even think in terms of joy and glee.
Maybe it's all about strength of character. I am who I am, and will live my life as I see fit. The problem is, I need more direction. I have a current agenda, but that is only temporary. Long term I can't even think of, because long term is not real. Nothing beyond this moment is real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a downer tonight. Happy Freakin' New Year.
And yet I have an underlying feeling of hope. Maybe I'm just being fatalistic and figuring it all is what it is.
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