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Dec. 5th, 2016



Todaay I'm an emotional wreck. Nerrvous, worried, flat out scared. I don't know why. Wish I were alone in a dark room, safe from the world. I'll blame Trump for making me feel this way.

Nov. 18th, 2016



So a doctor told me the reason they don't want me moving around or up and walking is because they don't want to put extra strain on my heart. That's a little disconcerting. I told her I feel ok. She told me I can sit up, but any exercise at this point makes my heart beat faster, and they don't want that until after the angioplasty. Good talk, really. Sorta, you're doing fine, but don't do anything. At least I can spend time writing.

So to catch y'all up. I had my fourth heart attack on Tuesday. Having one of two angioplasty on Monday. Woohoo. I'll be good as used and discarded. Life is good.

I'm at least enjoying myself, kind of.

Sep. 23rd, 2016


Tarot reading

Tonight I earned what it takes two weeks to earn. I wish I could do this every week.

Aug. 14th, 2016



A couple days ago I had a dream that my life was in utter chaos. There was even a cat in the dream wanting to play. I heard the words "When To Become a Kitten Daddy" like a book title being announced. Debris was scattered everywhere.

I'm guessing it was my subconscious coming to the surface. Except for the cat, which I don't have, my life is in chaos. Since July 15th I've been bouncing about, first at my friend Mark's, then my cousin Wendy's in Nebraska, then my friend Ken's in Virginia Beach, now back to Mark's.

I'm hoping to end up in Virginia Beach. I wish I could afford my home in New Jersey, but I'm loosing that to foreclosure. I can't seem to get my life together here. I might not get it together anywhere, but Virginia Beach is a nice place to start to rebuild.

Meanwhile, I'll try to get a job in New Jersey to suppliment my income, meaning getting an income. I'm overwhelmed by life. Nap time.

Jul. 22nd, 2016


Roommate grabbed me

So things esculated to physical violence on Wednesday. He grabbed me and shoved me into a table. A bunch of glass pie plates broke. Then he was calm. That's what he calls an argument. I calmly drove him to work and then went home and packed clothes and bolted to a friend's house. I might go home next week. Roommate and I have texted. He's now getting anger management therapy. I'm not sure what to do, but I can't stay away from my own house forever.

I have to have faith that things will work out.

Jul. 17th, 2016


Apropos of everything

My roommate slams the bathroom door so hard tiles fell off the wall. He then wakes me up to accuse me of slamming the door causing the tiles to fall off. I never in my life have slammed doors. He's crazy.

On a related note I'm watching Mommie Dearest. My roommate got half way through and couldn't watch anymore because he saw several scenes that reminded him of how he acts.

Good. I'm glad he recognized himself in the insanity. I wish he could change, or be less crazy.

It was interesting, he didn't know who Joan Crawford was. Granted he is young and doesn't like old movies.  He thought Faye Dunaway was Joan Crawford. I guess that isn't unusual for his generation. After explaining that part to him,  that the story was about Joan Crawford, he understood. Still couldn' t watch the film all the way through.

Jul. 16th, 2016


(no subject)

I'm torn. I know I eventually have to move, but I feel unhappy about it. Part of me is excited for something new, but the other part is upset over having to move, not really feeling I belong anywhere.

Jul. 15th, 2016


(no subject)

Not sure if it counts as battery, but my roommate pushed my head while driving on the turnpike. His yelling and berating me mean nothing, but i view it as pgysical assualt. This isn't the firsttime. Just the most aggrevious.

Jul. 6th, 2016



Everything he accuses me of he does, except lie. He's a nasty prick. He tells me my house is a filthy pigsty, I'm lazy and stupid, he gets violent and throws tantrums like a child. He's one of the nastiest people I know. I've asked him to leave, he's threaten me. He is irrational. He trashed my bedroom once, grabbed me by the throat twice, threatens me daily.

Why don't I call the police? Fear. I fear him. He will get more violent. If the police don't arrest him he will attack me. He's a toxic person. I want him out of my life permanently. I'm biding my time. The universe will help me, one way or another.

He has far overstepped his boundaries. He is one of the nastiest people I have ever met. I've never known anyone like him. He is just flat out someone I don't want in my life. I've never hated anyone like this, or felt threatened like this. No one has ever treated me like this and I want him gone.  I literally hate him. No one has ever made me so unhappy.

He just attacked me. He came into the livingroom and grabbed my face, begging to hit me. Then he flipped the coffee table shattering a cutglass candy dish. Then before i could take a photo he cleaned up the mess. He's crazy.



Don't get one.

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